The story behind this one: I met someone, a few months ago. She is amazing (yes, I still think so), sweet, kind. And she was from the very beginning. At first, I thought this will be just another friendship I will have, ’cause she lives all the way in the US. Well, sometimes I can’t believe my “luck”. We have hit it off and we both started to catch feelings. We decided to try a long distance relationship. Everything was amazing, I’ve met her friends, we were calling and talking, an occasional disagreement appeared, but that’s not news to me.
And here comes the catch. She just stopped replying, out of the blue. I understand the concept of being busy, having school, work and other activities… I do understand that sometimes we’re just too busy and when we finally have the free time, we don’t have to think of that particular person. That’s why I reached out multiple times more often at the beginning of her not replying to me. But after she didn’t reply to me for a longer period of time, I started to grow worried. There’s the freaking and annoying virus going on, and USA have been hit pretty hard. With the current situation, fear and worries are understandable reactions.
However, I didn’t want to annoy her, so after some time I stopped typing her. I didn’t know what happened. But I’m moving on. I have to. Because I can’t live my life stuck on somebody who acts like I don’t exist and ignores me. Because the fact she has found somebody else (she confessed) just hurts me more; and now I’m trying to put myself together. It starts with me letting her go. Although I still love her. Although I still want to be with her. Yet, I know it will fade and I will heal. It will just take some time. But that is okay. Because true healing takes time, people don’t get over a connection with other human being in couple of days. Even now some significant time has passed and I’m writing this after I healed, because it was difficult to even think and write about it.
Proper healing, taking the time for yourself and getting better should finally get normalized as one of the best things one can do for oneself. Let’s finally prioritize ourselves and our mental and physical health rather than other people. Because, you see, if I will continue trying to pleasure other people and try to be always in somebody’s good graces, I won’t be in my own good graces. Why? Simple. Because I will have to pretend to be somebody who I am not. It is impossible to pleasure everybody. You can’t do it. And honestly, don’t even try. It’s okay for people not to like you. It’s okay for people to like you. It’s okay for people to feel neutral about you — meaning they don’t have any opinion on you. But for your own mental health, let go of those toxic people. Let go of those people who you don’t like — especially so if you don’t need them in your life. If you don’t like your family — well, try to figure things out. If you can’t, try to let them go in a polite manner, e.g. try to explain what and why you feel you don’t want them in your life and hey, who knows, you might be surprised by their reaction. But for God’s sake, don’t be anybody’s slave.
And yes, I do understand that some relationships are very complex and complicated. In that case, the only thing I can say is to try and figure out, but be prepared for things ending worse. No, this whole essay is not about people dumping people and letting them completely go. But if somebody is making you sad, is hurting you (mentally or physically), is hurting your friends and or family, let them go. Explain how you feel and the reason why you are doing what you are doing. Explain to those people that you aren’t healthy for each other. Communicate first, give them the chance to explain themselves and based on that, either leave or stay. But do communicate. I did too, or at least I tried. I tried for several months to reach her. I couldn’t. I left.
The fact that we choose and we take care of our circle of friends — we hand pick you can stay and who won’t — we create our family, we create a circle of people who will help us when we’re down, when we really need help and we also give them the same. If you think that you give more than you receive, explain and decide.
And lastly, don’t be angry or sad when someone tells you that you are not healthy for them. It’s okay, we can’t be friends with everybody. Try to ask for a reason why they feel that way, respect their decision and try to work on yourself, if the reason is something that you can work on. Try to get better in that area. It’s not okay to be toxic, not anymore. If somebody tells you that you are toxic, work on yourself. Change your mindset, your behaviour, ask your friends if they think the same. If yes, change. 2020 is the year of change, so come on, let’s work on being better. It’s okay to be toxic but to be working on it. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time, same as healing and letting people go. But it’s absolutely okay for us to be aware of the fact that we’re toxic with the condition that we’re trying to change. And if your friends don’t understand that, maybe they should think about themselves too.
Originally published at http://claireswritingideaspoetry.wordpress.com on December 11, 2020.